One Mom's Life

2012-02-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

i am so thankful to my Heavenly Father and the small but miraculous ways that he blesses me and my family. i have been praying so hard for my little maximus to start eating and taking his bottle. finally, last week when he was so sick i asked mike to give him a blessing and guess what? max started to eat! in fact, he is now taking over 20 oz a day. i know that our prayers are answered. that does NOT mean that it is always easy and max still needs to gain weight but at least he is on the right track. today all is right in my heart and in my world.

MAXIMUS

2012-01-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

my son will not eat. i probably wouldn't worry too much about it but the doctor always tells me that he is too skinny and he is pretty little. he finally started taking about 15 oz of formula and nursing twice a day and he did this for about a week but then he got the flu. he threw up for one night and had icky diapers for a couple of days and now he won't eat. since sunday...he has only been taking about 6 oz a day and i have to force him to take that! i don't know what to do for sure. he has only had 2 wet diapers today and those were barely, a tiny little bit wet. i am really freaking out!! i tried for almost and hour to get him to nurse or take a bottle before bed and he just refused. i feel like i am going to lose my mind. i cry myself to sleep almost every night because i can't get him to eat and i fell like i am killing him. i don't know what to do.

2012-01-22T18:54:00.000-08:00

who i am can not be measured in inches or pounds......however:
since the first of december i have lost 10 pounds...well one pound shy of that
1 1/2 inches around my waist and 1 inch around my hips
I know...baby steps. :)
I am determined to get it done by june...16 more pounds to go.
9 more days of january and i have worked out almost every day...except for sundays.

2012-01-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

if you happen to come to my house and you see the piles of laundry littering the floor and the dirty dishes in the sink and the dust on every surface, please keep in mind that today i have:
washed five loads of laundry
folded three loads of laundry
dressed four people, besides myself
listened to two lectures
finished two assignments
started a lesson
read two chapter (20 pages each)
fixed two meals...so far
"exercised"
negotiated at least five thousand peace treaties
located a couple hundred missing artifacts
and cleaned up 3 major disaster areas.
and my day is only half over!!
i do more than you see and i am sure that you do more than i see! so....smile instead of frown at my dirty house. it is a work in progress.

2011-12-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Every year we get the supreme pleasure of making Daddy a homemade yellow cake for his birthday. This year was Max's turn to "help". I love letting my little guys explore and have fun and flour seems to be one of the COOLEST things in the world. Here is my baby taking his turn in the flour bucket. I know it is a bit of a waste but who cares! Doesn't he look cute.

2011-12-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

ten things i am grateful for:
1. i am grateful that i can see
2. i am grateful that i can hear my babies, music and everything
3. i am grateful that i can walk and run and enjoy the beauty of the earth
4. i am grateful that i have a healthy body that can have babies
5. i am grateful that i can play the piano
6. i am grateful that i can laugh
7. i am grateful that i can sing
8. i am grateful that i can dance
9. i am grateful that i can hold my babies in my arms
10.i am grateful that i can cry and feel joy and sorrow

Read the first story in your December Ensign and join me in gratitude for our blessings.

2011-12-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

This quote kind of took me back and made me think a little bit. Each life is a gift, a special gift from God. We are brought together for many different reasons. This just made me think of Mike and our boys and our life.

"maybe you and I were meant
to create this life
because this life
was meant to change the world."

Thank you Mike! Thank you for standing by me when I felt crazy and angry. Thank you for reminding me of how important our boys are. I can not help but appreciate each and every one of them and the blessings that they bring to me and my life. And for each of them, I have you to thank. Thanks for my babies. Love you more than you will ever know.

2011-12-04T19:55:00.001-08:00

don't be too fat or too skinny,
don't be too short or too tall,
don't be too loud or too quiet,
don't be too strong or too weak,
don't stand out too much,
but be yourself.

No wonder we are all confused. I heard a similar version of this on a TV show and it got me to thinking about how we see ourselves and how the world sees us too. It is hard to just be happy with who you are and love your uniqueness no matter what everyone else is telling you. I know I have a hard time with it. I am different now than I used to be (and by that I mean 20ish pounds different) but I am tired of feeling like that makes me less than what I used to be. So here it goes....

when Mike and I got married,
I weighed 113 pounds.
today,
I weigh 150.
I am not ashamed of who I am.
where will I be in 6 months?
I don't know.
BUT NEITHER DO YOU!!
I refuse to be ashamed.

So...please, back off!! Like me for who I am or don't but don't think that that gives you the right to try to make me feel bad about who I am because I won't. Not anymore. I refuse. I am Tenille Sharp Sealy...not perfect but not trying to be either. I am proud of the things that I have in my life and who I am and I will keep trying to be the best I can but I will not let anyone diminish who I am inside just because my outsides are bigger than they want them to be! I have needed to get this out since...well, for a long time. I don't want my sisters, nieces, cousins, or friends to grow up being made to feel that they should be ashamed of who they are. It is a terrible cycle and it is wrong. I will put down the ice cream when I am good and ready and I will join a gym when I am good and ready too and I will diet when...well probably never! I know what I need to do to lose weight...it is not really a news flash to me...and I will do it. WHEN I AM READY!!
sorry for the ranting...it has been a long time coming and I wanted to get it out...mostly for me, directed at the world in general, but also for a young girl who is so beautiful and sweet and is being beaten down by the world and told that she is too fat and not good enough and she is only 11!! I hope you know that what they think can't define you unless you let it.

2011-11-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

Had a soon-to-be-father asking us questions...advice and such. He asked me if I would do it all over again. Would I? Would I take the 20 extra pounds, the stress, and the gray hairs and wrinkles? YES I WOULD!!! I love my kids....yeah sometimes I feel like screaming and running away but those moments don't last. My little Max has the sweetest smile and he bestows it upon his momma the most. Grey just keeps me smiling and laughing all day long...what a goof! Ike...well, Ike is so sweet and gentle. He loves his brothers and he is so anxious to please. Corbin is my bossy little take charge guy but he is good to me and always mindful of what I need. He is always telling me that he loves me and he has taught his brothers to do the same....I am continually hearing, "Mom, I love you" ringing through the house. And Mike....he is the most trouble but I don't know what I would do without him. Even when he is a big pain, he is my entire heart and soul. Love him....love them all to pieces. So...best advice? Love them! Don't take them for granted and sleep all you can. :) I don't regret a single minute of it...the pounds will go eventually and I can do yoga for the stress and dye my hair pink if I want to and wrinkles aren't so bad really but I will never, EVER find anything as miraculous as my guys!

I won't be on here again before then so...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

2011-11-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

My oldest sister just told me about 4 kids that have been abandoned by their mom. 3 girls and a little boy. It just kills me. She has had 8 kids...the first 4 have already been adopted...now she is giving up the younger ones. They are 6, 4, 2, and 1. She says that she just can't bond with her kids. It breaks my heart and makes me cry.

2011-10-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

So...I can't stop thinking about foster care! How can I get a bigger house so we can do it? I want to start the classes in the summer but that won't cure our space issue. Hmmm. Mike has slowly started to feel my passion too. The other day at the store, he saw a mom SCREAMING at her kids and SWEARING at them...dropping the f word and all that. He said that the kids were just tiny...probably 3 or 4 or younger and it made him feel so bad. He said that he was worried about what would happen to them. (disclaimer: we know that all parents have bad days and that this mom was probably just mad and would never hurt her kids. Just makes you think and realize how bad some kids have it....not those particular kids really, just some kids) Anyway, he is starting to understand why I want to do foster care so much. We are super motivated but that doesn't always equal a way to get things done. Plus...it would be super cool to get started because we really want to adopt a little girl. :) I don't want to wait forever! I would want the little girl we adopt to be close in age to my boys. WHICH...by the way, I love those guys!

2011-10-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

So...I always know when this time of year hits. Oldest kiddie has a cough that will probably last all winter long and I have a sinus infection. Yippie! Right on schedule. I have mid-terms next week. The best part of it all....I love laying around with a heating pack. :) I am glad that school doesn't last forever...even if it feels like it does! Three papers to right this week and studying for a mid-term plus writing a lesson for Sunday and learning a piano solo...this week should be a blast. Oh, and a concert on Friday night...which WILL be fun! Wish me luck!

2011-10-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

while at the doctor's office today....my oldest and my youngest had checkups.....i witnessed a truly lovely thing. when the doctor started doing my oldest son's checkup, my baby started to whimper and whine. he REALLY did not like the doctor messing with his brother. he started to get really agitated and fussy. when the doctor stopped....my little man calmed down but watched that doctor like a hawk. then i had my little man on the table and he started to roll to his side and my big guy jumped up and put his hand on his tummy and said, "mom! you gotta watch him so he won't roll off and get hurt!!" he was nervous for his brother and when the little buy got his shots the big guy wanted to hold his hand and told him that it would be okay. :) I love that they feel like they should protect each other. made me feel good....actually, made me feel SUPER good!! love all my guys.

2011-10-02T21:06:00.001-07:00

saw a very pretty little girl today.

2011-09-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

Men's eyes don't follow me when I cross a room anymore,
if they ever did ;)
But when I come into a room my baby's
eyes light up and follow my every move.
I know that he loves me
and doesn't care a bit
If I don't wear makeup
or fancy clothes
or even if I comb my hair.
I love that he is mine
I can't believe that he is already
6 months old!!!
I can't believe that I thought
that I would be sad to have him!
Love you more than life Maximus!

2011-09-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days!! You know those days! :( The boys fought and whined all day long. And of course, I had a massive headache and several assignments due for my class and about 40 pages to read and laundry to do and meals to cook and.....etc. YOU get the picture. So, now I am feeling a little cranky and blue. i did NOT get everything done that i needed to get done and i yelled at the boys more than i should have. Why are some days like that? Why do days like this come when i don't have TONS of chocolate or ice cream or both in the house? Why does Mike have a crazy schedule that keeps him away from us or asleep 90% of the day?

THEN I WALK INTO A ROOM,
WHERE MY BABY HAS BEEN SCREAMING,
LIKE ALL DAY,
AND HE LIGHTS UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE,
AND HIS FEET START KICKING,
AND HIS DIMPLES FLASH,
AND EVEN THOUGH I AM EXHAUSTED,
AND MY HEAD IS THROBBING,
I REMEMBER WHY I AM DOING THIS,
I REMEMBER WHY I LOVE MY BABIES,
THE HOUSE CAN WAIT,
THE HOMEWORK CAN TOO,
BUT I SPENT THE LAST HOUR READING,
TO AND LOVING MY BOYS,
AND SOMEHOW I FEEL BETTER.

2011-09-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

It has been an incredibly LONG time since I posted last. Time flies and all that. I am now enjoying life as a mother of 4 boys! Maximus joined our family in March. I can admit that I was a little disappointed to find out that I was having another boy but I love him like crazy and I would not trade him for anything! He is such a sweetie! He has brown hair and beautiful blue eyes and dimples (I don't know where he got those!). I am FINALLY proud to announce that one of my boys actually LOOKS LIKE ME!! Yes! The other three are harder to determine but everyone says that they look like MIke. However, you cannot deny that Max looks like me......he just does. :)

WE are all back in school...except Grey and Max...and loving it, mostly. Corbin is doing dual immersion this year in first grade so the Spanish is a challenge but we are learning. Isaac is in his last year of preschool and doing so well. His speech is still a worry but we are seeing improvements. Grey and Max love staying home with Mommy. Mike and I are trying to not lose our minds but keeping a balance up between school, work, and the boys is definitely interesting and keeps us on our toes. Mike only has 4 classes left!!!!

We also started the process to become foster parents. We are hoping to become licensed next summer and to have our house ready. We are hoping to adopt a little girl. WE shall see what the next few years bring. WE are busy and happy and healthy! :)

Big day...BIG DAY I say.

2010-10-04T18:24:00.001-07:00

Well...tomorrow is the big day. The day of truth...so to speak. Tomorrow we get to find out what the gender of our baby is....hopefully. I am almost 17 weeks so they should be able to tell. I am NERVOUS! I love my three boys but I REALLY would like to have a girl. I hope that, whatever happens, the baby is healthy but if it is a healthy baby that HAPPENS to look best in PINK, I will be super happy!! Wish me luck!

Baby #4

2010-08-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

I am moving on to baby number four! Yes....I think. I have NOT been feeling good at all. The worst is hopefully almost over though....I am almost 12 weeks. We will see. I wasn't as sick with my other three and I seem to be more exhausted this time too. I don't know, we will see. I keep hoping that maybe that means I am going to have a girl but then, at the same time, I try to shut that out of my mind. I don't want to jinx myself and I love my boys. I wouldn't trade a single one of them. I would LOVE to have a girl though. I am SO ready for a girl. I guess I just have to wait and see!! :) I am going to keep it a secret though. I am not going to tell anyone what I am having this time. I want it to be my secret....well, and maybe the hubbies. The two older boys started school today. One in kindergarten and one in preschool. The little guy and I enjoyed going for a walk and just hanging out in a mostly quiet house. I am going to enjoy the two days a week that we are all alone.....at least for a few hours. *sigh* Now I have their homework to worry about as well as mine. Hope I get a little more energy back soon.....I could use it! :)

Finally...bring on summer!!

2010-05-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

I very happy to announce that I am done with school....for the summer. :) And....I passed all of my classes. I am very excited to begin spending more time with my boys doing awesome, fun things. I am also very excited to do some house work and some yard work. There is so much to be done but I am excited. I just don't know what to do first!!

Women's Conference

2010-05-01T22:19:00.001-07:00

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend BYU women's conference this last week. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! I learned a lot. I have a lot to do to make myself the person that I want to be but I am excited and I KNOW I can do it...with the Lord's help! I am excited. :)

I am NOT....

2010-04-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

oK...jUSt A LIttLE rANt......I am fully aware that being able to stay at home with my kids and be a stay at home mom is a privelege. I am also aware that I have an easy life compared to a lot of other women. I just strongly DISLIKE when working moms judge me. "If I were a stay-at-home mom, I would...." "When I was a stay-at-home mom, I never......" "Stay-at-home moms are so....." It makes me a little angry. It also makes me a little mad when other stay-at-home moms think that they know me and what I do and what I am capable of. I know that I am not perfect and I know that my kids are not perfect, my house is not perfectly clean, my yard is not perfect, etc., etc. But LAY OFF!! I do the best that I can! I try not to judge you so don't judge me! "If I were a working mom I would never......" It wouldn't be fair for me to say that about you. Just because I am "just" a mom does not mean that I am stupid or lazy or fat or boring or gossipy! I am me and I am still the same person that I was when I was working full-time and before I had kids. Guess what? I am still a person that is unique and deserves respect. So...if you can't say something nice....don't say anything at all. I could go on about this all day but I think that I will go cry and maybe eat some junk food. Then I am going to let this go, go enjoy my kids and my life. Besides....I have flowers to plant today and that makes anyone feel better. :)

Grrrr!

2010-04-19T22:10:00.001-07:00

I just want to know...
Why is my body happy
At a weight that I am not happy at?
Why does it choose to
Torture me endlessly?
Why must I work so tirelessly
And starve so much
Just for my body to spit in my face?
Am I doomed to never eat sugar again
Just to weigh whatever my body wants to
Instead of what I want to?
Meh...I am going to go eat a cake.
I mean...
A PIECE of cake! :)

Is it okay?

2010-03-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

Is it okay to be just a little mad at my Husband? He is a very good husband...but he forgot to get me a birthday cake. :( Now...he did do a lot of nice things for me but he forgot to get me a cake. Oh well...I still have about 5 pounds to lose anyway. Maybe next year.

Spring Break 2010

2010-03-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

SPRING BREAK....ALL RIGHT BABY...WAIT..........CRAP! Yep, this week has been my spring break and man has it been CRAPPY!!!! Why you might ask, well, I am going to tell you. Impetigo and tonsillitis. Cuj has impetigo which is really just a skin rash but it is highly contagious so he had to miss school and I have to clean it three times a day and put a cream on it for him. It is really almost better and he gets to be off of the quarantine list today....woot. THEN....I started feeling sick on Monday and by Wednesday I could hardly move.....tonsillitis. So I am now pumped full of antibiotics and tylenol and feeling mostly better but still cranky and a little woozy. Last night My hubby had to work midnight madness at his store which left me home alone. Well...I couldn't sleep and was super tired and sick so I began to sob. I sat in the bathroom and cried for an hour then called my mom and cried a little longer. Then sat in my bed and drank warm lemon/honey water and cuddled up to my heating pack and watched a movie. Finally, fell asleep about 2 am. So much for getting the house clean this week, playing with my kids tons, getting ahead on my homework, getting my haircut, painting the rest of my family room, etc. But....the kids loved playing video games all week...even though they missed playing with the bestest cousin ever (name starts with an A, and he is a boy), and eating out a lot. At least I am feeling better and so is Cuj. Plus...a lot of people out there have it worse....just a waste of my spring break. *sigh* Back to school on Monday with a dirty, unpainted house; long, unpainted hair; and no sleep. Hmmm...sounds like life to me! :) HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!! WOOT-WOOT!

Guess I am getting old

2010-03-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

I am passing my math class!! WOOT-WOOT!! I am getting a 93.54%....so far. :) I remember taking this class about, oh, 8 years ago and not doing so well. In fact, I got a D in the class. Ooops! I know that I am not getting smrter...I mean smarter so I decided that I am just getting older. I am more willing to apply myself and work hard at figuring things out....things that I don't know, don't scare me any more. I just work until I do know it. It is a good feeling. I guess getting old isn't so bad....yet. ;)

Babies

2010-02-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

I wish that I could make it very clear to people that I will have a baby when I am ready and not before...if I have any more! I love my kids and I am not opposed to having more but this year has been rough for us and we just want a little time. Plus...if we have another child we will have to buy a new care and possibly a new house (or at least do some extensive remodeling of the basement). Neither is within our reach right now. And...just for the record....it doesn't make me a bad person to disagree with...others on this subject!

Sometimes...

2010-02-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes...I get great advice from sources I never expected.
Sometimes...I eat too much and DON'T feel guilty.
Sometimes...I love to just sit and read.
Sometimes...I surprise myself.
Sometimes...I just want to cry or laugh for no reason.
Sometimes...I still need my Mom.
Sometimes...I want to throw food.

Thankful

2010-02-05T13:11:00.000-08:00

Today...I am just thankful. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for all the things that he is and all the things that he does. I love him more everyday and I can't imagine my life without him. Love you! I am thankful for my boys. I love them beyond any explanation. I am thankful for my life and my home. I am just thankful!

Lots of little thoughts

2010-01-23T22:07:00.000-08:00

So, one of my classes this semester is on Facebook...not how to navigate it but we literally meet and talk on a facebook page. It is a little weird. Anyway, several of us have been unhappy about how the class is being run. There is no real structure and we don't really know what is going on. About three of us were posting back and forth about how much we disliked it. This person posted a comment that was directed to me by name. He said that I should stop being a baby and whining so much. I was shocked! First of all, I was answering a comment by another girl on there and I wasn't being whiny or mean. Secondly, I don't know why he attacked me and not the others. Anywho--a word battle ensued. I was pretty irate but I tried to remain calm and address his complaints calmly. He said some pretty rude things about me. I can't believe that someone would be so rude to someone that they don't know over nothing. I was shocked to say the least. I don't even know him or why he was so mad at me...other people were saying worse things than I was. Anyway, I found out today that he is barely out of high school. I hope that he grows up...I mean honestly, does he really think that it is okay to say mean things to people he doesn't know just because it is on a relatively anonymous site like facebook?

Ok...next thought. I really want to adopt. M and I have thought about it for a long time and I think that we are really ready to start looking into it. It probably won't happen for a few years and that is okay but I want to get started. We really need a baby girl! ; ) Even M thinks so and Cuj has been telling me for months that he wants a sister. Does that mean that we won't try for one of our own? No...probably not. But...we will see. I have been having dreams about this super precious baby that looks Hispanic but has beautiful, black, curly hair that looks more African American than Hispanic. I saw a posting for a biracial girl that was African American/Hispanic and I almost fainted!! Of course, she was already placed by the time I called the agency but it really got us to thinking that this may be the time to start.

WOW

2010-01-11T16:54:00.000-08:00

School started today. I was really, REALLY good and got up at 5 am to workout before my 8 am class. Then I could hardly hobble into the classroom. LOL. But, I did it! Yay! I did really good on my diet today too. Until, Ike threw up and I got a stupid email from a professor that makes no sense and a bill from a doctor's office....that also makes no sense! Sometimes I think that billing "specialists" should be renamed billing "I-don't-know-what-the-heck-I-am-doing-and-if-I-do-I-won't-do-it-just-to-make-you-mad" specialists. Seriously. They are saying that we owe them over $1000 dollars and that the insurance won't pay on it but the insurance says that they haven't even received a bill yet and I HAVE ALREADY TOLD THE DOC'S OFFICE THIS!! A MONTH AGO! Now they are threatening to send us to collections and I can't get anyone at the office to even answer the phone. They sent us a "friendly reminder" to pay and that the Doc is VERY willing to negotiate payment options...blah...blah...blah. I just want them to do their job. So...I ate about 6 mini muffins and drank a HUGE glass of milk. Totally NOT on my diet but I needed some food! So...I guess today is my free day instead of Sunday. *sigh* I like Sunday afternoon snacking.

Bright Spots, on a Dreary Day

2010-01-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

So....today has totally been a dreary day. Not just because it is dreary outside either. I have had a MASSIVE headache all day. It is probably just from staying up too late last night and getting up too early today. By the by, P90X was okay today but is still kicking my butt!! That is okay. I am sticking to it, and to my diet. Yay! I didn't think that I would make it through. I can barely walk and, let's face it folks, I AM HUNGRY! *sigh*

Then...the book that I have been waiting for finally came! It is a replica of an 1830's Book of Mormon and I am totally pumped! I heard that it is absolutely awesome to read and so, I bought it for myself as an early, way early, birthday gift. Thanks hubs for not being too mad. ;)

My other bright, shining spot today was hot chocolate. I am thankful that I stuck to my diet so that I could reward myself with an afternoon snack of Chocolate Mint Truffle hot chocolate. Yum!

Maybe this day isn't so bad after all! Even the boys are playing quietly...miracles DO happen.

BLAH...

2010-01-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

So...I did it. I got up at 5:30 this morning and worked out. I haven't been doing very good this last month or so but I am going to start again. I also haven't been sleeping very well so I am hoping that getting up early, working out , and NOT taking a nap will help me sleep better. : ( We will see.
Anyway, the workout TOTALLY KICKED my butt but I stuck with it. I have done really good about eating today. However, the munchies are starting to seriously kick in and Mike isn't home to stop me and the kids are being....annoying!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Ok, I can do this. But...why...why...WHY does it have to be so hard! Grrrr! These last "few" pounds had better be worth it!!

My sweet little man

2010-01-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

Ok--so I am into the colored text lately....get over it.

I was laying my baby down for a nap today and just decided to give him a little extra snuggle, which is fun when he is tired because he will actually hold still and let me love him. Anyway, I just felt a little overwhelmed by the love that I have for my boys. I can't imagine my life without them, even though it would be easier, it would be so lonely. He started to get giggly and wiggly so I knew that it was time to lay him down. ( I LOVE HIS LAUGH) AS I put him down I was so thankful that my babies are being raised in a home of love and comfort. It breaks my heart to think of all of the babies that don't have all the things that my kids have. Even the basic things like love and comfort. I pray that I can be a blessing to my kids.

Happy New Year!!

2010-01-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!

I am very excited for the new year! First of all, I love even numbers. I don't know why but I do. Secondly, I love new starts and a new year just feels so clean. I especially love that we start the new year with snow. It always feels so fresh and peaceful.

Soooo....last night was a bad night for the diet. Oh well. I did good until M got home from work. Then we had nachos for dinner which is one of our favorite meals. It was awesome and delicious. I tried to only eat a little but it didn't work. Then we had cinnamon rolls, candy bars and milk to celebrate the new year. We didn't make it to midnight though. The kids were in bed by 9:30 and we were in bed by 10. Guess we ARE getting oLd.

I cleaned house all morning to avoid food. My house is so clean AND I haven't snacked at all!!

sighhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

2009-12-30T13:40:00.001-08:00

Today has not been a good day. :(

Yeah....okay....I really want to do good on my diet but then I see something that I really want to eat and...I eat it. Sick, I know.

Maybe I should just give up!! What do you think? Should I keep trying? Are the last five or ten pounds really worth it? I worked out this morning but I don't think it will do me any good.

Confession....I at about four pieces of pizza. Yeah they were small but that doesn't really matter. Then, of course, I couldn't resist a few pieces of Christmas candy and a piece of M's Bday cake. Then I had to have some milk to drink.

I guess that I will just have to try harder tomorrow. I don't want to give up and be like this forever but IT IS HARD. I hate not being able to eat what I want, when I want to.

Sigh....double sigh.

Fat Busting 2010!

2009-12-26T18:52:00.001-08:00

Ok...I know that losing weight is like, the number one new year resolution. So...ok...I am not original, who cares!! I do not think that I am fat but having my precious little ones has, let's say, changed me. I WANT TO GET AT LEAST SOME OF IT BACK!!!!
So...this year I AM GOING TO LOSE 10 POUNDS. That is all, just ten. I am realistic. My other goal is to exercise every day no matter what. I am going go to the gym 3 days a week and lift weights and do some cardio/ weights at home every day. I am. I will be a new slimmer me before we know it. JUST YOU WAIT!!

Brigham City Temple

2009-10-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that we are getting a temple!! I never really thought that we would because we have so many that are so close to us. I mean, Logan and Ogden and both 30 minutes away and Salt Lake City is only 1 hour. However, I am so excited!! I know that it will probably take a few years for the temple to get here but I can't wait. As soon as I heard the news, I got my boys and we all held hands and said a prayer of gratitude. I was so excited that I cried. It sounds small but having the temple here will cut an entire hour off of our temple time, which is huge when you have kids. Especially when you have a baby. It is hard to get someone to watch 3 boys for 2-3 hours. So....taking an hour of is HUGE!! I can't wait. I love gong to the temple and the feelings that I get when I am there. I love that my family can be together, forever if we are faithful. I can't wait to find out where they are going to build it. I can't wait!!

Fickle, Fickle, Silly as a pickle!!

2009-07-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

I am so fickle and silly!! Mike started his new job today and cried like a baby. Last night I cried and this morning I cried. I whined when he didn't have a job and now I am whining because he does. I was just a little sad to see him go back to work. I have really liked having him home. He has been a big help with the kids and he is good company, usually. You all know Mike. He is so laid back! Not that he didn't annoy me at times because he did, but over all we had a lot of fun and I liked having him here. Sigh. I guess that I am just never happy. I get what I want and I am still sad. Fickle, fickle, silly as a pickle!!!!

2009-07-18T22:14:00.000-07:00

So...I was having a dilemma today. I can't find any clothes that fit me. My skinny clothes, from before the baby, are too tight still and my fat clothes, from after, are getting too big. The ones that do fit me were all dirty because I am soooo behind on the laundry. Ask Holli, she has seen my laundry pile. Anyway, as I was standing there trying to find something to wear, the solution hit me. I AM BECOMING A NUDIST!! Do you know how easy my life would be? I wouldn't have to try to find something to fit or even worry about what to wear at all. And...I wouldn't have to ever do laundry. Hmmm...something to think about, eh?

Fat or Flat

2009-07-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am not perfect at it but I have been really trying to lose weight. I have been trying not to eat as much, especially sweets, and I have been doing ok. I have also been working out and running two miles 3x a week. However, nothing seems to be getting any smaller. Nothing except my bustline. It is maddening!! The things we want smaller just keep growing or stay the same and the things we want to stay the same or get larger, shrink, sag, or dissappear. I am not asking for much. I don't want to look like a super model. I just want to feel good about myself and feel pretty. I just wish...I don't know. I just wish that I could lose the weight and not lose my....assests. And...I wish Mike would get a job so that I could get more clothes. Nothing I have fits me anymore and I think that makes me feel worse.

Whine, whine, whine whine, whine....

2009-06-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as if I am acting like my kids. I feel like I whine nonstop. I guess I could claim that I have a hard, terrible life and that I am justified in whining. Or....I could just admit that I am a whiner! Ike and I have to be tested for celiac disease. It is basically an intolerance for wheat or anything with wheat, gluten, rye or barley in it. If you don't know, those things are in basically everything. The things that they aren't in they are added to. It sucks!! If Ike and I test positive then we will have to avoid anything that has those things in them. Suck, suck!!

kids v. culture

2009-06-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we try to do our part to make sure that our kids are cultured and smart. So, since it has been raining so much and we haven't done anything "refined" lately we took the boys to the Union Station Museum in Ogden. They have a train museum, a car museum, and a gun museum all in the same building. After we went through all of those we decided to go through the art gallery that is there as well. (Mike really likes art and the boys were in a good mood) We were wandering around enjoying the art when I noticed that Ike was paying very close attention to one particular painting. So Mike and I headed over to see what he was looking at. To our horror, we realized that he had stuck his large gold sticker right in the middle of the painting!! Of course, we both yelled and he jumped back and started to scream, taking that stupid, gold sticker with him. Thankfully, the painting was not damaged. We looked at the price list and almost died!!!! The painting was going for $3,000. EEK!!! It was NOT that good. I am glad that Ike didn't hurt the picture. Needless to say, we left in a hurry and we have no plans to expose our children to any more character building, personality rounding, culture enriching activities any time in the near or distant future.

When it rains....

2009-06-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

The current weather has made me think about how things work in my life. Mike has been out of a job and looking for one since March. The last few months have been very slow, dry months for him. He hasn't had any interviews and there haven't even been many jobs to apply for. He has been a little frustrated and I have been super stressed. I don't mind working but I HATE being forced to. Anyway, now comes the rain. Mike has been called to interview for three jobs within the last three days. Which is a blessing!! But now he is stressed because he is worried about having to choose which job to take. He is hoping that he can make the right choice. Isn't life funny? Nothing for weeks and now the interviews are just pouring down!

We have sunk as low as we can.....

2009-05-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

Mike and I have become so desperate!! We don't even have a pair of shoes for our poor, poor little baby Grey!! We have been forced to sink lower than we ever have been before and we have had to take desperate measures to keep his poor pink piggies from being burned by the sun or scraped by the harsh ground or....worse of all being pinched to death by crazy old ladies!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! The horrors!! So...we slithered into payless shoes as quiet as a thief. We crept to the back as quiet as we could. (which really sounded like a train wreck cause we had all three boys and they were all hungry) Once to the back we looked shoe after shoe while casing the joint. Then....we slipped a handsome shoe onto Grey's little piggies and wondered around a bit more to look less suspicious and then walked out the door our prize snug on Grey's toes!

Ok....that is not entirely the truth. We didn't set out to steal the shoes but we really did!! I put the shoes on Grey because I thought they were soooo handsome!! Then...we got distracted and we left in a hurry because we wanted to go eat lunch before I had to go to work. When we were walking in the door at Subway I saw those cute little shoes still snuggly on Grey's little toes. HEE-HEE!!!! Whoops. Mike had to take them back and tell them that we stole the shoes right out from under their noses!! AWKWARD!!

Gettin' old!

2009-05-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

Sigh.....I have been running every day and trying to build my endurance back up. I really want to be able to run 2-3 miles, about 3 times a week. I also hope that it will help me lose some weight. : ) I think that I have been doing pretty good. I haven't missed any days at all for two weeks!! But today was a really rough day. For some reason my knee was sooooo sore today! I just about died when I started to run and I really wanted to cry, but I ran my mile today and then came home and didn't eat the cake that I wanted to. Sigh. But now my knee is still aching, aching, and aching some more. I don't know why. It hasn't been hurting until tonight. BUT...I am not going to stop. I am going to just dig my old brace out and keep trying. I need some new shoes too. I don't want to give up. I have been really enjoying it!! It gives me time to vent frustration and just release and be by myself, do something GOOD for my self. I just enjoy it. I just wish that my body would get with the program! Doesn't it know that I am not ready to get old and creaky yet?

2009-05-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what to say. Mike didn't get the job with Kohl's. Now...he doesn't really have any other promising jobs on the horizon. No new interviews set up or anything. He has applied for so many jobs and I think that it is starting to wear on him. But...there just doesn't seem to be a lot of jobs out there. Ok, that's not true, there are a lot of jobs but none that would pay him very well. We are trying not to be picky but we do need a job that pays us enough to live!! He is really trying hard but nothing seems to be working. And...on the selfish end. I AM TIRED OF WORKING SO MUCH!!!!! I feel like I am never home and I never get to do anything but work. My boss just called and asked me if I could handle more hours and of course I said yes because Mike didn't get the job. But...my entire being was screaming NO, NO, NO!!!! I just don't know what to do any more. I am tired of trying and I just want to sit down and bawl but I have to be strong because I have to hold the family together. I have to keep going and keep everyone else going. It is exhausting!!!! And...we don't have insurance and I can't get it through my jobs so I am totally freaking out about the boys. I don't want them to do anything because I am afraid they will get hurt or sick. A girl in Cuj's class just came down with the chicken pox and I am totally going to have a heart attack!!! I don't think that I can take much more of this.

Going...public!

2009-05-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

We are going back to letting everyone read and view this blog. Why? Well, my Mom couldn't figure out how to get on so....at least until I can go up and show her how to get on we are going to go public.

It's raining now baby!!

2009-05-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

I think that I am having a nervous breakdown! I had a meeting this morning at Curves, which I forgot. So...I had to rush over there. Grey had to wait for an extra hour to nurse but by the time I got home I was so wound up and upset that my milk wouldn't let down. I am a little worried that it is drying up because I am so stressed all of the time. But...he did finally take a bottle from me. I am going to keep nursing him at night and in the morning but I may not during the day. Then I had to work for Ali's. I don't mind that job but I wisht I didn't have to go every day. I feel like I am going crazy! I just run from one thing to the next and I never seem to get anything done. Now, all three of my boys are sick. Poor little Ike is the worst. He just sits and whimpers and shakes. It makes me feel so sad!! Corb has a cough and Grey has a runny nose but Ike is sick, sick, sick! It makes me want to cry. We had a weiner roast tonight with Caleb and Holli but Ike was so sick that he couldn't even enjoy it. He just sat in a chair all wrapped up in blankets and shivered. Finally, I just brought him in and he fell asleep.
I guess that it is true what they say, "when it rains, it pours". I was walking along on a perfectly sunny day and all of the sudden I felt a little drop of rain on my head. Then, before I knew it, before I could blink or run for cover, the "sky" opened up. And now I am standing in the rain, drenched, cold and sick of it with no umbrella or cover in sight. Stupid rain.

Water break through!!

2009-05-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

Corbin has started taking swimming lessons again this year but we decided to take him to the Peak. They are a little more expensive but we hoped that they would be better with kids since that is what they do. And...I think they are! Corbin's first experience with swimming lessons was BAD, VERY BAD!!! He was terrified and we didn't think that he would ever get in the water again. Then last year he took lessons at the Brigham pool with Elise and Jacob Richards and he seemed to do ok. BUT....the lifeguards weren't very good with the kids and Corb still wouldn't put his head under the water or even put his face in the water. So...I was nervous about this year but he did great!! Monday was his first lesson and he got right in the water. He even did the diving game that they wanted him to do and he put his face all the way in the water to blow bubbles!! He was so brave! The teachers are great too. They were so good and patient with the kids! Corb can't wait to go back today. Then when we got home I taught him how to take a shower. He was nervous but I think that he started to like it a little so maybe I can get him to shower after swimming and soon he will be doing it all on his own!! Yeah!! No more baths! (our tub takes about 3 YEARS to fill up!) Anyway, I was proud. I never learned how to swim and I am a little afraid of water and I am determined that my kids won't be that way.

Blog Confusion!!!

2009-05-03T18:23:00.000-07:00

All right Faye!! We need to fix this problem!! I will write, post, or even dance fully clothed on your blog if you will just LET ME ON!!! It won't even let me read it now. I don't know what is going on. I could get on last night but today it says that I am not invited!! Sigh....Faye doesn't love me anymore!! : (

Oh woe is me!!!

2009-05-01T21:05:00.000-07:00

Faye-Faye, why have you shunned me?
I only wanted your friend to be!
I tried to post on your new blog,
But now I am as sad as a poor homeless dog!
It said that I was not allowed to post,
I feel like wailing like a purple ghost!
Tell me you will let me write,
Or I will stay up crying all night!!!
Tell me what to do to fix it.
Or I will have to spit!!

Hee-Hee!!

Here piggy-piggy!!

2009-04-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

Why are the pigs trying to kill us? What have we ever done to them? Oh.....besides eating them and all their parts! Hee-Hee!!

WHAT?!!!!

2009-04-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

I just hear the craziest thing on TV. This lady was complaining because she couldn't go to Bergdorfs, I don't know how to spell it, but she was complaining that she couldn't go there because of the economy. But...not for the reason you may think. Her husband is an exec in one of the companies that just got a big bailout from the government and she is afraid that if she goes and buys things at Bergdorfs that people will be mad at her and judge her unfairly. So...she has to have it delivered!!! What a hardship!! I couldn't believe that is what she was complaining about! I have to work two parttime jobs just to buy food for my family and I am not the worst case that I have heard of!! At least I still have my home and food and money in the bank. I was so angry. I can't believe that people can be so selfish and self-centered. She should really open her eyes and look around.

Meh...

2009-04-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's ok Faye. Mike really is good with the boys and the only one that I really worry about missing a meal is Ike. Corb is big enough that he is ok and Grey never misses a meal, thanks to me. But Ike is sooo skinny! But....I gave them popcorn and a fruit snack and instant breakfast and let them stay up and watch a movie and snack when I got home so it turned out ok. Mike really tries hard. But no one, absolutely NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON, is as good as Mom!! Right? Atleast I think so. I just know them better than anyone else. I am not a perfect mom but I have spent every day with them since they were born and I just know them. It will be the same for you, you will see. It is amazing!!!

MY BABIES

2009-04-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

I never really knew for sure if I liked being a stay-at-home mom or not. I knew I loved my kids but I always wondered if I wanted more than that. You know, a career and stuff. Well, I have almost made it through a week of work and I think that I found my answer. Finally. I like working. I like Curves and visiting with the people and working out there. I also like taking care of the elderly at Ali's Angels. I get a feeling of fulfillment and I really like helping them and their families. I can make a difference in their lives by being there for them and serving them. And....I am good at it! Maybe that is prideful to say but I really am good at it. I LIKE IT!! But....then I come home and see my boys, all of them. I see them playing and I hear them laughing and I know that I am missing something. I come through the door and I can't wait to hold them and talk to them and play with them. They need me. Do you know, Mike forgot to feed them dinner tonight? He thought that I fed them before I left and I did but that was at noon! Whoops!! He is great with the kids but sometimes he forgets little things like food. LOL The other night he put them to bed without their stuffed animals and their blankies. He didn't know why Ike was sad. And it is okay because he hasn't had to do those things as often before so He just didn't know. But I do. I know what toys the boys like to sleep with. I know what they like to eat. I know how Grey likes to sleep and when he likes to sleep. I know that sometimes he just likes to lay on the floor and watch his brothers. I know that Ike doesn't like his feet covered during his nap. And I know that Corb needs boundaries on the video games! I know them because THAT IS MYJOB! I am their MOM. Hey, I love my time out and my other jobs. I don't mind helping my hubby out until he gets back on his feet. I will probably always have a little job on the side but...I am a stay-at-home mom. I love it and I know that each day is differant and some will be worse than others but I don't care. I am a stay-at-home Mom. I am.

exhaustion

2009-04-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Arms are so week! Legs are sooo trembly! Eyes are blurry! Mind is.........gone! I am so tired! I have been up since 3:30 this morning. I worked at Curves, came home and did what I needed to do at home (including put in a sandbox :), worked for Ali's Angels, FHE, dinner and now I AM READY FOR BED!!! I can hear my pillow calling, "Tenille...Tenille". Now if I could just get my legs to move! Darn it!!!

Home again, home again, jig-a-dee-jig!!

2009-04-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

I just finished my first shift back at Ali's Angels. It was interesting. I had forgotten how much I like working with the elderly but at the same time I missed and worried about my boys. The only way that I can stand it is because I know that Mike is with them. I think he feels a little weird sending me to work and staying home with the boys but it will work for now. The scheduler swears that she will work around Grey's schedule so that is nice. And...we have to have money smoehow. So...until Mike gets a job it will have to do. I am really excited to come home though. I do a little jig. The boys are happy to see me too. Ike ran to the door and hugged me as tight as he could and Cuj said that he had been missing me so much. I can't really tell what Grey thought but I think he was happy! I hope it works out but I also hope that Mike gets a job soon so that I can be with my babies.

Faye

2009-04-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the link. It was cool!! And I say go for...start a blog. It is fun! I have only been at it for a while but I like it.

I Dreamed a Dream...

2009-04-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Check out this video clip from Britain's Got Talent. My friend had posted it on her blog.

First off, this is one of my favorite songs. And second, the clip shows an amazing success story and emphasizes always following your dreams. This lady finally finds her dream at age 47. I thought it was neat, so I thought I would share. Enjoy!!

Thanks

2009-04-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

It is nice to see that I have a few people who read my blog. Makes my writings a little less pointless. Thanks for all of your comments. Hey, Faye, now that I know who you are (HEE-HEE), do you have a blog? I love staying in touch and it seems that this is the best way for me. Blogs and facebook. I am a modern woman....sort of. By the way....what is up with this spring snow?

FYE

2009-04-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well.....FYE was a no go. Mike didn't have enough experience, I guess. So we are still jobless. For now. It is a little depressing. The only good side of it is that Mike is finally getting some stuff done at the house!! Yesterday he actually did yard work. It was fun and it is nice to be able to get some things done that I have wanted to do for years. You know...I thought that I would really get sick of Mike being home all of the time, but I'm not. I love having him here to help me and to play with the boys. They love it too. Of course, we are worried about money but the time together is nice. I actually remember why I fell in love with him!! He is a fun guy! We are trying to just stay positive and productive. Mike is looking as hard as he can for a job and in the meantime we are staying busy. I think that I will take the job at the home health place, at least part time. Then we will be able to make our house payments at least. Curves, Ali's Angels, and mom. Three jobs. Wow. Oh, and Mary Kay. So...I guess four. So much for being a lady of leisure.

WORK OR NOT TO WORK

2009-04-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

So.....Mike is still out of work. He is waiting to hear from FYE but no luck yet. AND....he is getting nervous...I think. He never really talks to me about it. I got offered a job with a respite care agency, I worked for them before, but I don't know what to do. I worry about leaving my boys. I just don't know what to do because we need the money but i don't want to do something wrong. Should I take the job or should I just stay home? AAARRRGH!!

HERE"S THE REST

2009-04-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it was my Mom and Dad at the door. They can't get enough of me I guess!! Anyway, I had a lot of fun at my parents house. I really enjoy being at home and just spending time hanging out. It was cool and we ate a lot of awesome food. It was fun to visit with my sisters and my sisters-in-law and get to know them all better. However...the older I get the more truth I see in the phrase, you can't go home again. I always feel a little sad going home and realizing that it isn't my home anymore. I miss the small town I grew up in sometimes. I miss the people, people that knew me and my family. People that watched me grow up and cared about me and what happened to me. Some of them have left too but mostly it just feels like I have moved on and they have forgotten me. It is weird and a little sad I guess. I want to find a place like that for my boys. A place where they can grow up and feel like home. However, I know that a lot of that feeling is because of my family and the fact that they were there. I hope that I can help them get that feeling in our house. I hope that I can find a place that will give them a good childhood. One like I had with lots of love and fun.

Family

2009-04-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

I just spent the night up at my MOM'S house and I had a lot of fun!! My MOM'S birthday is in a couple weeks and I wanted to throw a surprise party for her. It was fun! Mike kept the older boys home and ate pizza and spent time with them. I took Grey with me and we trekked up to Idaho for some fun. Oops...someone at the door, be back soon!

sigh

2009-04-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well....the day has started. The boys are fighting and yelling already and I am tired. I can't seem to get them to just play and be nice. They fight over the games and tv and toys and anything that they can. I want to scream and go crazy!! I think that I just need to be nicer to them and not yell so much so....I try. I don't know if it really helps or not. It seems to. Especially with Corbin. He responds better to kindness. But lately he cries about everything. I guess it is just the age. At least I hope so. This madness goes on forever it seems. Then, all of the sudden, we have a day or two that they get along great! No fighting, no yelling. Just kindness and fun. I wish it could always be like that. Sigh.....

WORK

2009-04-09T03:18:00.000-07:00

A mom's work is never done it seems. I am up again, at 4 in the morning, getting ready for work. I will be home by 8 and then my "day job" will start! The kids keep me hopping and running all day. It is exhausting! Would I trade it all? Probably not. I love my kids! Even if they are all boys!!