Big day...BIG DAY I say.

Well...tomorrow is the big day. The day of truth...so to speak. Tomorrow we get to find out what the gender of our baby is....hopefully. I am almost 17 weeks so they should be able to tell. I am NERVOUS! I love my three boys but I REALLY would like to have a girl. I hope that, whatever happens, the baby is healthy but if it is a healthy baby that HAPPENS to look best in PINK, I will be super happy!! Wish me luck!

Baby #4

I am moving on to baby number four! Yes....I think. I have NOT been feeling good at all. The worst is hopefully almost over though....I am almost 12 weeks. We will see. I wasn't as sick with my other three and I seem to be more exhausted this time too. I don't know, we will see. I keep hoping that maybe that means I am going to have a girl but then, at the same time, I try to shut that out of my mind. I don't want to jinx myself and I love my boys. I wouldn't trade a single one of them. I would LOVE to have a girl though. I am SO ready for a girl. I guess I just have to wait and see!! :) I am going to keep it a secret though. I am not going to tell anyone what I am having this time. I want it to be my secret....well, and maybe the hubbies. The two older boys started school today. One in kindergarten and one in preschool. The little guy and I enjoyed going for a walk and just hanging out in a mostly quiet house. I am going to enjoy the two days a week that we are all alone.....at least for a few hours. *sigh* Now I have their homework to worry about as well as mine. Hope I get a little more energy back soon.....I could use it! :)

Finally...bring on summer!!

I very happy to announce that I am done with school....for the summer. :) And....I passed all of my classes. I am very excited to begin spending more time with my boys doing awesome, fun things. I am also very excited to do some house work and some yard work. There is so much to be done but I am excited. I just don't know what to do first!!

Women's Conference

I had the wonderful opportunity to attend BYU women's conference this last week. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! I learned a lot. I have a lot to do to make myself the person that I want to be but I am excited and I KNOW I can do it...with the Lord's help! I am excited. :)

I am NOT....

oK...jUSt A LIttLE rANt......I am fully aware that being able to stay at home with my kids and be a stay at home mom is a privelege. I am also aware that I have an easy life compared to a lot of other women. I just strongly DISLIKE when working moms judge me. "If I were a stay-at-home mom, I would...." "When I was a stay-at-home mom, I never......" "Stay-at-home moms are so....." It makes me a little angry. It also makes me a little mad when other stay-at-home moms think that they know me and what I do and what I am capable of. I know that I am not perfect and I know that my kids are not perfect, my house is not perfectly clean, my yard is not perfect, etc., etc. But LAY OFF!! I do the best that I can! I try not to judge you so don't judge me! "If I were a working mom I would never......" It wouldn't be fair for me to say that about you. Just because I am "just" a mom does not mean that I am stupid or lazy or fat or boring or gossipy! I am me and I am still the same person that I was when I was working full-time and before I had kids. Guess what? I am still a person that is unique and deserves respect. So...if you can't say something nice....don't say anything at all. I could go on about this all day but I think that I will go cry and maybe eat some junk food. Then I am going to let this go, go enjoy my kids and my life. Besides....I have flowers to plant today and that makes anyone feel better. :)

Grrrr!

I just want to know...
Why is my body happy
At a weight that I am not happy at?
Why does it choose to
Torture me endlessly?
Why must I work so tirelessly
And starve so much
Just for my body to spit in my face?
Am I doomed to never eat sugar again
Just to weigh whatever my body wants to
Instead of what I want to?
Meh...I am going to go eat a cake.
I mean...
A PIECE of cake! :)

Is it okay?

Is it okay to be just a little mad at my Husband? He is a very good husband...but he forgot to get me a birthday cake. :( Now...he did do a lot of nice things for me but he forgot to get me a cake. Oh well...I still have about 5 pounds to lose anyway. Maybe next year.

Spring Break 2010

SPRING BREAK....ALL RIGHT BABY...WAIT..........CRAP! Yep, this week has been my spring break and man has it been CRAPPY!!!! Why you might ask, well, I am going to tell you. Impetigo and tonsillitis. Cuj has impetigo which is really just a skin rash but it is highly contagious so he had to miss school and I have to clean it three times a day and put a cream on it for him. It is really almost better and he gets to be off of the quarantine list today....woot. THEN....I started feeling sick on Monday and by Wednesday I could hardly move.....tonsillitis. So I am now pumped full of antibiotics and tylenol and feeling mostly better but still cranky and a little woozy. Last night My hubby had to work midnight madness at his store which left me home alone. Well...I couldn't sleep and was super tired and sick so I began to sob. I sat in the bathroom and cried for an hour then called my mom and cried a little longer. Then sat in my bed and drank warm lemon/honey water and cuddled up to my heating pack and watched a movie. Finally, fell asleep about 2 am. So much for getting the house clean this week, playing with my kids tons, getting ahead on my homework, getting my haircut, painting the rest of my family room, etc. But....the kids loved playing video games all week...even though they missed playing with the bestest cousin ever (name starts with an A, and he is a boy), and eating out a lot. At least I am feeling better and so is Cuj. Plus...a lot of people out there have it worse....just a waste of my spring break. *sigh* Back to school on Monday with a dirty, unpainted house; long, unpainted hair; and no sleep. Hmmm...sounds like life to me! :) HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!! WOOT-WOOT!

Guess I am getting old

I am passing my math class!! WOOT-WOOT!! I am getting a 93.54%....so far. :) I remember taking this class about, oh, 8 years ago and not doing so well. In fact, I got a D in the class. Ooops! I know that I am not getting smrter...I mean smarter so I decided that I am just getting older. I am more willing to apply myself and work hard at figuring things out....things that I don't know, don't scare me any more. I just work until I do know it. It is a good feeling. I guess getting old isn't so bad....yet. ;)

Babies

I wish that I could make it very clear to people that I will have a baby when I am ready and not before...if I have any more! I love my kids and I am not opposed to having more but this year has been rough for us and we just want a little time. Plus...if we have another child we will have to buy a new care and possibly a new house (or at least do some extensive remodeling of the basement). Neither is within our reach right now. And...just for the record....it doesn't make me a bad person to disagree with...others on this subject!

Sometimes...

Sometimes...I get great advice from sources I never expected.
Sometimes...I eat too much and DON'T feel guilty.
Sometimes...I love to just sit and read.
Sometimes...I surprise myself.
Sometimes...I just want to cry or laugh for no reason.
Sometimes...I still need my Mom.
Sometimes...I want to throw food.

Thankful

Today...I am just thankful. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for all the things that he is and all the things that he does. I love him more everyday and I can't imagine my life without him. Love you! I am thankful for my boys. I love them beyond any explanation. I am thankful for my life and my home. I am just thankful!

Lots of little thoughts

So, one of my classes this semester is on Facebook...not how to navigate it but we literally meet and talk on a facebook page. It is a little weird. Anyway, several of us have been unhappy about how the class is being run. There is no real structure and we don't really know what is going on. About three of us were posting back and forth about how much we disliked it. This person posted a comment that was directed to me by name. He said that I should stop being a baby and whining so much. I was shocked! First of all, I was answering a comment by another girl on there and I wasn't being whiny or mean. Secondly, I don't know why he attacked me and not the others. Anywho--a word battle ensued. I was pretty irate but I tried to remain calm and address his complaints calmly. He said some pretty rude things about me. I can't believe that someone would be so rude to someone that they don't know over nothing. I was shocked to say the least. I don't even know him or why he was so mad at me...other people were saying worse things than I was. Anyway, I found out today that he is barely out of high school. I hope that he grows up...I mean honestly, does he really think that it is okay to say mean things to people he doesn't know just because it is on a relatively anonymous site like facebook?

Ok...next thought. I really want to adopt. M and I have thought about it for a long time and I think that we are really ready to start looking into it. It probably won't happen for a few years and that is okay but I want to get started. We really need a baby girl! ; ) Even M thinks so and Cuj has been telling me for months that he wants a sister. Does that mean that we won't try for one of our own? No...probably not. But...we will see. I have been having dreams about this super precious baby that looks Hispanic but has beautiful, black, curly hair that looks more African American than Hispanic. I saw a posting for a biracial girl that was African American/Hispanic and I almost fainted!! Of course, she was already placed by the time I called the agency but it really got us to thinking that this may be the time to start.

WOW

School started today. I was really, REALLY good and got up at 5 am to workout before my 8 am class. Then I could hardly hobble into the classroom. LOL. But, I did it! Yay! I did really good on my diet today too. Until, Ike threw up and I got a stupid email from a professor that makes no sense and a bill from a doctor's office....that also makes no sense! Sometimes I think that billing "specialists" should be renamed billing "I-don't-know-what-the-heck-I-am-doing-and-if-I-do-I-won't-do-it-just-to-make-you-mad" specialists. Seriously. They are saying that we owe them over $1000 dollars and that the insurance won't pay on it but the insurance says that they haven't even received a bill yet and I HAVE ALREADY TOLD THE DOC'S OFFICE THIS!! A MONTH AGO! Now they are threatening to send us to collections and I can't get anyone at the office to even answer the phone. They sent us a "friendly reminder" to pay and that the Doc is VERY willing to negotiate payment options...blah...blah...blah. I just want them to do their job. So...I ate about 6 mini muffins and drank a HUGE glass of milk. Totally NOT on my diet but I needed some food! So...I guess today is my free day instead of Sunday. *sigh* I like Sunday afternoon snacking.

Bright Spots, on a Dreary Day

So....today has totally been a dreary day. Not just because it is dreary outside either. I have had a MASSIVE headache all day. It is probably just from staying up too late last night and getting up too early today. By the by, P90X was okay today but is still kicking my butt!! That is okay. I am sticking to it, and to my diet. Yay! I didn't think that I would make it through. I can barely walk and, let's face it folks, I AM HUNGRY! *sigh*

Then...the book that I have been waiting for finally came! It is a replica of an 1830's Book of Mormon and I am totally pumped! I heard that it is absolutely awesome to read and so, I bought it for myself as an early, way early, birthday gift. Thanks hubs for not being too mad. ;)

My other bright, shining spot today was hot chocolate. I am thankful that I stuck to my diet so that I could reward myself with an afternoon snack of Chocolate Mint Truffle hot chocolate. Yum!

Maybe this day isn't so bad after all! Even the boys are playing quietly...miracles DO happen.

BLAH...

So...I did it. I got up at 5:30 this morning and worked out. I haven't been doing very good this last month or so but I am going to start again. I also haven't been sleeping very well so I am hoping that getting up early, working out , and NOT taking a nap will help me sleep better. : ( We will see.
Anyway, the workout TOTALLY KICKED my butt but I stuck with it. I have done really good about eating today. However, the munchies are starting to seriously kick in and Mike isn't home to stop me and the kids are being....annoying!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Ok, I can do this. But...why...why...WHY does it have to be so hard! Grrrr! These last "few" pounds had better be worth it!!

My sweet little man

Ok--so I am into the colored text lately....get over it.

I was laying my baby down for a nap today and just decided to give him a little extra snuggle, which is fun when he is tired because he will actually hold still and let me love him. Anyway, I just felt a little overwhelmed by the love that I have for my boys. I can't imagine my life without them, even though it would be easier, it would be so lonely. He started to get giggly and wiggly so I knew that it was time to lay him down. ( I LOVE HIS LAUGH) AS I put him down I was so thankful that my babies are being raised in a home of love and comfort. It breaks my heart to think of all of the babies that don't have all the things that my kids have. Even the basic things like love and comfort. I pray that I can be a blessing to my kids.

Happy New Year!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!

I am very excited for the new year! First of all, I love even numbers. I don't know why but I do. Secondly, I love new starts and a new year just feels so clean. I especially love that we start the new year with snow. It always feels so fresh and peaceful.

Soooo....last night was a bad night for the diet. Oh well. I did good until M got home from work. Then we had nachos for dinner which is one of our favorite meals. It was awesome and delicious. I tried to only eat a little but it didn't work. Then we had cinnamon rolls, candy bars and milk to celebrate the new year. We didn't make it to midnight though. The kids were in bed by 9:30 and we were in bed by 10. Guess we ARE getting oLd.

I cleaned house all morning to avoid food. My house is so clean AND I haven't snacked at all!!