*sigh*http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Today has not been a good day. :(

Yeah....okay....I really want to do good on my diet but then I see something that I really want to eat and...I eat it. Sick, I know.

Maybe I should just give up!! What do you think? Should I keep trying? Are the last five or ten pounds really worth it? I worked out this morning but I don't think it will do me any good.

Confession....I at about four pieces of pizza. Yeah they were small but that doesn't really matter. Then, of course, I couldn't resist a few pieces of Christmas candy and a piece of M's Bday cake. Then I had to have some milk to drink.

I guess that I will just have to try harder tomorrow. I don't want to give up and be like this forever but IT IS HARD. I hate not being able to eat what I want, when I want to.

Sigh....double sigh.

Fat Busting 2010!

Ok...I know that losing weight is like, the number one new year resolution. So...ok...I am not original, who cares!! I do not think that I am fat but having my precious little ones has, let's say, changed me. I WANT TO GET AT LEAST SOME OF IT BACK!!!!
So...this year I AM GOING TO LOSE 10 POUNDS. That is all, just ten. I am realistic. My other goal is to exercise every day no matter what. I am going go to the gym 3 days a week and lift weights and do some cardio/ weights at home every day. I am. I will be a new slimmer me before we know it. JUST YOU WAIT!!

Brigham City Temple

I can't believe that we are getting a temple!! I never really thought that we would because we have so many that are so close to us. I mean, Logan and Ogden and both 30 minutes away and Salt Lake City is only 1 hour. However, I am so excited!! I know that it will probably take a few years for the temple to get here but I can't wait. As soon as I heard the news, I got my boys and we all held hands and said a prayer of gratitude. I was so excited that I cried. It sounds small but having the temple here will cut an entire hour off of our temple time, which is huge when you have kids. Especially when you have a baby. It is hard to get someone to watch 3 boys for 2-3 hours. So....taking an hour of is HUGE!! I can't wait. I love gong to the temple and the feelings that I get when I am there. I love that my family can be together, forever if we are faithful. I can't wait to find out where they are going to build it. I can't wait!!

Fickle, Fickle, Silly as a pickle!!

I am so fickle and silly!! Mike started his new job today and cried like a baby. Last night I cried and this morning I cried. I whined when he didn't have a job and now I am whining because he does. I was just a little sad to see him go back to work. I have really liked having him home. He has been a big help with the kids and he is good company, usually. You all know Mike. He is so laid back! Not that he didn't annoy me at times because he did, but over all we had a lot of fun and I liked having him here. Sigh. I guess that I am just never happy. I get what I want and I am still sad. Fickle, fickle, silly as a pickle!!!!

So...I was having a dilemma today. I can't find any clothes that fit me. My skinny clothes, from before the baby, are too tight still and my fat clothes, from after, are getting too big. The ones that do fit me were all dirty because I am soooo behind on the laundry. Ask Holli, she has seen my laundry pile. Anyway, as I was standing there trying to find something to wear, the solution hit me. I AM BECOMING A NUDIST!! Do you know how easy my life would be? I wouldn't have to try to find something to fit or even worry about what to wear at all. And...I wouldn't have to ever do laundry. Hmmm...something to think about, eh?

Fat or Flat

Ok, so I am not perfect at it but I have been really trying to lose weight. I have been trying not to eat as much, especially sweets, and I have been doing ok. I have also been working out and running two miles 3x a week. However, nothing seems to be getting any smaller. Nothing except my bustline. It is maddening!! The things we want smaller just keep growing or stay the same and the things we want to stay the same or get larger, shrink, sag, or dissappear. I am not asking for much. I don't want to look like a super model. I just want to feel good about myself and feel pretty. I just wish...I don't know. I just wish that I could lose the weight and not lose my....assests. And...I wish Mike would get a job so that I could get more clothes. Nothing I have fits me anymore and I think that makes me feel worse.

Whine, whine, whine whine, whine....

Sometimes I feel as if I am acting like my kids. I feel like I whine nonstop. I guess I could claim that I have a hard, terrible life and that I am justified in whining. Or....I could just admit that I am a whiner! Ike and I have to be tested for celiac disease. It is basically an intolerance for wheat or anything with wheat, gluten, rye or barley in it. If you don't know, those things are in basically everything. The things that they aren't in they are added to. It sucks!! If Ike and I test positive then we will have to avoid anything that has those things in them. Suck, suck!!

kids v. culture

Ok, so we try to do our part to make sure that our kids are cultured and smart. So, since it has been raining so much and we haven't done anything "refined" lately we took the boys to the Union Station Museum in Ogden. They have a train museum, a car museum, and a gun museum all in the same building. After we went through all of those we decided to go through the art gallery that is there as well. (Mike really likes art and the boys were in a good mood) We were wandering around enjoying the art when I noticed that Ike was paying very close attention to one particular painting. So Mike and I headed over to see what he was looking at. To our horror, we realized that he had stuck his large gold sticker right in the middle of the painting!! Of course, we both yelled and he jumped back and started to scream, taking that stupid, gold sticker with him. Thankfully, the painting was not damaged. We looked at the price list and almost died!!!! The painting was going for $3,000. EEK!!! It was NOT that good. I am glad that Ike didn't hurt the picture. Needless to say, we left in a hurry and we have no plans to expose our children to any more character building, personality rounding, culture enriching activities any time in the near or distant future.

When it rains....

The current weather has made me think about how things work in my life. Mike has been out of a job and looking for one since March. The last few months have been very slow, dry months for him. He hasn't had any interviews and there haven't even been many jobs to apply for. He has been a little frustrated and I have been super stressed. I don't mind working but I HATE being forced to. Anyway, now comes the rain. Mike has been called to interview for three jobs within the last three days. Which is a blessing!! But now he is stressed because he is worried about having to choose which job to take. He is hoping that he can make the right choice. Isn't life funny? Nothing for weeks and now the interviews are just pouring down!

We have sunk as low as we can.....

Mike and I have become so desperate!! We don't even have a pair of shoes for our poor, poor little baby Grey!! We have been forced to sink lower than we ever have been before and we have had to take desperate measures to keep his poor pink piggies from being burned by the sun or scraped by the harsh ground or....worse of all being pinched to death by crazy old ladies!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! The horrors!! So...we slithered into payless shoes as quiet as a thief. We crept to the back as quiet as we could. (which really sounded like a train wreck cause we had all three boys and they were all hungry) Once to the back we looked shoe after shoe while casing the joint. Then....we slipped a handsome shoe onto Grey's little piggies and wondered around a bit more to look less suspicious and then walked out the door our prize snug on Grey's toes!

Ok....that is not entirely the truth. We didn't set out to steal the shoes but we really did!! I put the shoes on Grey because I thought they were soooo handsome!! Then...we got distracted and we left in a hurry because we wanted to go eat lunch before I had to go to work. When we were walking in the door at Subway I saw those cute little shoes still snuggly on Grey's little toes. HEE-HEE!!!! Whoops. Mike had to take them back and tell them that we stole the shoes right out from under their noses!! AWKWARD!!

Gettin' old!

Sigh.....I have been running every day and trying to build my endurance back up. I really want to be able to run 2-3 miles, about 3 times a week. I also hope that it will help me lose some weight. : ) I think that I have been doing pretty good. I haven't missed any days at all for two weeks!! But today was a really rough day. For some reason my knee was sooooo sore today! I just about died when I started to run and I really wanted to cry, but I ran my mile today and then came home and didn't eat the cake that I wanted to. Sigh. But now my knee is still aching, aching, and aching some more. I don't know why. It hasn't been hurting until tonight. BUT...I am not going to stop. I am going to just dig my old brace out and keep trying. I need some new shoes too. I don't want to give up. I have been really enjoying it!! It gives me time to vent frustration and just release and be by myself, do something GOOD for my self. I just enjoy it. I just wish that my body would get with the program! Doesn't it know that I am not ready to get old and creaky yet?

I don't even know what to say. Mike didn't get the job with Kohl's. Now...he doesn't really have any other promising jobs on the horizon. No new interviews set up or anything. He has applied for so many jobs and I think that it is starting to wear on him. But...there just doesn't seem to be a lot of jobs out there. Ok, that's not true, there are a lot of jobs but none that would pay him very well. We are trying not to be picky but we do need a job that pays us enough to live!! He is really trying hard but nothing seems to be working. And...on the selfish end. I AM TIRED OF WORKING SO MUCH!!!!! I feel like I am never home and I never get to do anything but work. My boss just called and asked me if I could handle more hours and of course I said yes because Mike didn't get the job. But...my entire being was screaming NO, NO, NO!!!! I just don't know what to do any more. I am tired of trying and I just want to sit down and bawl but I have to be strong because I have to hold the family together. I have to keep going and keep everyone else going. It is exhausting!!!! And...we don't have insurance and I can't get it through my jobs so I am totally freaking out about the boys. I don't want them to do anything because I am afraid they will get hurt or sick. A girl in Cuj's class just came down with the chicken pox and I am totally going to have a heart attack!!! I don't think that I can take much more of this.

Going...public!

We are going back to letting everyone read and view this blog. Why? Well, my Mom couldn't figure out how to get on so....at least until I can go up and show her how to get on we are going to go public.

It's raining now baby!!

I think that I am having a nervous breakdown! I had a meeting this morning at Curves, which I forgot. So...I had to rush over there. Grey had to wait for an extra hour to nurse but by the time I got home I was so wound up and upset that my milk wouldn't let down. I am a little worried that it is drying up because I am so stressed all of the time. But...he did finally take a bottle from me. I am going to keep nursing him at night and in the morning but I may not during the day. Then I had to work for Ali's. I don't mind that job but I wisht I didn't have to go every day. I feel like I am going crazy! I just run from one thing to the next and I never seem to get anything done. Now, all three of my boys are sick. Poor little Ike is the worst. He just sits and whimpers and shakes. It makes me feel so sad!! Corb has a cough and Grey has a runny nose but Ike is sick, sick, sick! It makes me want to cry. We had a weiner roast tonight with Caleb and Holli but Ike was so sick that he couldn't even enjoy it. He just sat in a chair all wrapped up in blankets and shivered. Finally, I just brought him in and he fell asleep.
I guess that it is true what they say, "when it rains, it pours". I was walking along on a perfectly sunny day and all of the sudden I felt a little drop of rain on my head. Then, before I knew it, before I could blink or run for cover, the "sky" opened up. And now I am standing in the rain, drenched, cold and sick of it with no umbrella or cover in sight. Stupid rain.

Water break through!!

Corbin has started taking swimming lessons again this year but we decided to take him to the Peak. They are a little more expensive but we hoped that they would be better with kids since that is what they do. And...I think they are! Corbin's first experience with swimming lessons was BAD, VERY BAD!!! He was terrified and we didn't think that he would ever get in the water again. Then last year he took lessons at the Brigham pool with Elise and Jacob Richards and he seemed to do ok. BUT....the lifeguards weren't very good with the kids and Corb still wouldn't put his head under the water or even put his face in the water. So...I was nervous about this year but he did great!! Monday was his first lesson and he got right in the water. He even did the diving game that they wanted him to do and he put his face all the way in the water to blow bubbles!! He was so brave! The teachers are great too. They were so good and patient with the kids! Corb can't wait to go back today. Then when we got home I taught him how to take a shower. He was nervous but I think that he started to like it a little so maybe I can get him to shower after swimming and soon he will be doing it all on his own!! Yeah!! No more baths! (our tub takes about 3 YEARS to fill up!) Anyway, I was proud. I never learned how to swim and I am a little afraid of water and I am determined that my kids won't be that way.

Blog Confusion!!!

All right Faye!! We need to fix this problem!! I will write, post, or even dance fully clothed on your blog if you will just LET ME ON!!! It won't even let me read it now. I don't know what is going on. I could get on last night but today it says that I am not invited!! Sigh....Faye doesn't love me anymore!! : (

Oh woe is me!!!

Faye-Faye, why have you shunned me?
I only wanted your friend to be!
I tried to post on your new blog,
But now I am as sad as a poor homeless dog!
It said that I was not allowed to post,
I feel like wailing like a purple ghost!
Tell me you will let me write,
Or I will stay up crying all night!!!
Tell me what to do to fix it.
Or I will have to spit!!

Hee-Hee!!

Here piggy-piggy!!

Why are the pigs trying to kill us? What have we ever done to them? Oh.....besides eating them and all their parts! Hee-Hee!!

WHAT?!!!!

I just hear the craziest thing on TV. This lady was complaining because she couldn't go to Bergdorfs, I don't know how to spell it, but she was complaining that she couldn't go there because of the economy. But...not for the reason you may think. Her husband is an exec in one of the companies that just got a big bailout from the government and she is afraid that if she goes and buys things at Bergdorfs that people will be mad at her and judge her unfairly. So...she has to have it delivered!!! What a hardship!! I couldn't believe that is what she was complaining about! I have to work two parttime jobs just to buy food for my family and I am not the worst case that I have heard of!! At least I still have my home and food and money in the bank. I was so angry. I can't believe that people can be so selfish and self-centered. She should really open her eyes and look around.

Meh...

It's ok Faye. Mike really is good with the boys and the only one that I really worry about missing a meal is Ike. Corb is big enough that he is ok and Grey never misses a meal, thanks to me. But Ike is sooo skinny! But....I gave them popcorn and a fruit snack and instant breakfast and let them stay up and watch a movie and snack when I got home so it turned out ok. Mike really tries hard. But no one, absolutely NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON, is as good as Mom!! Right? Atleast I think so. I just know them better than anyone else. I am not a perfect mom but I have spent every day with them since they were born and I just know them. It will be the same for you, you will see. It is amazing!!!

MY BABIES

I never really knew for sure if I liked being a stay-at-home mom or not. I knew I loved my kids but I always wondered if I wanted more than that. You know, a career and stuff. Well, I have almost made it through a week of work and I think that I found my answer. Finally. I like working. I like Curves and visiting with the people and working out there. I also like taking care of the elderly at Ali's Angels. I get a feeling of fulfillment and I really like helping them and their families. I can make a difference in their lives by being there for them and serving them. And....I am good at it! Maybe that is prideful to say but I really am good at it. I LIKE IT!! But....then I come home and see my boys, all of them. I see them playing and I hear them laughing and I know that I am missing something. I come through the door and I can't wait to hold them and talk to them and play with them. They need me. Do you know, Mike forgot to feed them dinner tonight? He thought that I fed them before I left and I did but that was at noon! Whoops!! He is great with the kids but sometimes he forgets little things like food. LOL The other night he put them to bed without their stuffed animals and their blankies. He didn't know why Ike was sad. And it is okay because he hasn't had to do those things as often before so He just didn't know. But I do. I know what toys the boys like to sleep with. I know what they like to eat. I know how Grey likes to sleep and when he likes to sleep. I know that sometimes he just likes to lay on the floor and watch his brothers. I know that Ike doesn't like his feet covered during his nap. And I know that Corb needs boundaries on the video games! I know them because THAT IS MYJOB! I am their MOM. Hey, I love my time out and my other jobs. I don't mind helping my hubby out until he gets back on his feet. I will probably always have a little job on the side but...I am a stay-at-home mom. I love it and I know that each day is differant and some will be worse than others but I don't care. I am a stay-at-home Mom. I am.

exhaustion

Arms are so week! Legs are sooo trembly! Eyes are blurry! Mind is.........gone! I am so tired! I have been up since 3:30 this morning. I worked at Curves, came home and did what I needed to do at home (including put in a sandbox :), worked for Ali's Angels, FHE, dinner and now I AM READY FOR BED!!! I can hear my pillow calling, "Tenille...Tenille". Now if I could just get my legs to move! Darn it!!!

Home again, home again, jig-a-dee-jig!!

I just finished my first shift back at Ali's Angels. It was interesting. I had forgotten how much I like working with the elderly but at the same time I missed and worried about my boys. The only way that I can stand it is because I know that Mike is with them. I think he feels a little weird sending me to work and staying home with the boys but it will work for now. The scheduler swears that she will work around Grey's schedule so that is nice. And...we have to have money smoehow. So...until Mike gets a job it will have to do. I am really excited to come home though. I do a little jig. The boys are happy to see me too. Ike ran to the door and hugged me as tight as he could and Cuj said that he had been missing me so much. I can't really tell what Grey thought but I think he was happy! I hope it works out but I also hope that Mike gets a job soon so that I can be with my babies.

Faye

Thanks for the link. It was cool!! And I say go for...start a blog. It is fun! I have only been at it for a while but I like it.

I Dreamed a Dream...

Check out this video clip from Britain's Got Talent. My friend had posted it on her blog.

First off, this is one of my favorite songs. And second, the clip shows an amazing success story and emphasizes always following your dreams. This lady finally finds her dream at age 47. I thought it was neat, so I thought I would share. Enjoy!!

Thanks

It is nice to see that I have a few people who read my blog. Makes my writings a little less pointless. Thanks for all of your comments. Hey, Faye, now that I know who you are (HEE-HEE), do you have a blog? I love staying in touch and it seems that this is the best way for me. Blogs and facebook. I am a modern woman....sort of. By the way....what is up with this spring snow?

FYE

Well.....FYE was a no go. Mike didn't have enough experience, I guess. So we are still jobless. For now. It is a little depressing. The only good side of it is that Mike is finally getting some stuff done at the house!! Yesterday he actually did yard work. It was fun and it is nice to be able to get some things done that I have wanted to do for years. You know...I thought that I would really get sick of Mike being home all of the time, but I'm not. I love having him here to help me and to play with the boys. They love it too. Of course, we are worried about money but the time together is nice. I actually remember why I fell in love with him!! He is a fun guy! We are trying to just stay positive and productive. Mike is looking as hard as he can for a job and in the meantime we are staying busy. I think that I will take the job at the home health place, at least part time. Then we will be able to make our house payments at least. Curves, Ali's Angels, and mom. Three jobs. Wow. Oh, and Mary Kay. So...I guess four. So much for being a lady of leisure.

WORK OR NOT TO WORK

So.....Mike is still out of work. He is waiting to hear from FYE but no luck yet. AND....he is getting nervous...I think. He never really talks to me about it. I got offered a job with a respite care agency, I worked for them before, but I don't know what to do. I worry about leaving my boys. I just don't know what to do because we need the money but i don't want to do something wrong. Should I take the job or should I just stay home? AAARRRGH!!

HERE"S THE REST

Okay, so it was my Mom and Dad at the door. They can't get enough of me I guess!! Anyway, I had a lot of fun at my parents house. I really enjoy being at home and just spending time hanging out. It was cool and we ate a lot of awesome food. It was fun to visit with my sisters and my sisters-in-law and get to know them all better. However...the older I get the more truth I see in the phrase, you can't go home again. I always feel a little sad going home and realizing that it isn't my home anymore. I miss the small town I grew up in sometimes. I miss the people, people that knew me and my family. People that watched me grow up and cared about me and what happened to me. Some of them have left too but mostly it just feels like I have moved on and they have forgotten me. It is weird and a little sad I guess. I want to find a place like that for my boys. A place where they can grow up and feel like home. However, I know that a lot of that feeling is because of my family and the fact that they were there. I hope that I can help them get that feeling in our house. I hope that I can find a place that will give them a good childhood. One like I had with lots of love and fun.

Family

I just spent the night up at my MOM'S house and I had a lot of fun!! My MOM'S birthday is in a couple weeks and I wanted to throw a surprise party for her. It was fun! Mike kept the older boys home and ate pizza and spent time with them. I took Grey with me and we trekked up to Idaho for some fun. Oops...someone at the door, be back soon!

sigh

Well....the day has started. The boys are fighting and yelling already and I am tired. I can't seem to get them to just play and be nice. They fight over the games and tv and toys and anything that they can. I want to scream and go crazy!! I think that I just need to be nicer to them and not yell so much so....I try. I don't know if it really helps or not. It seems to. Especially with Corbin. He responds better to kindness. But lately he cries about everything. I guess it is just the age. At least I hope so. This madness goes on forever it seems. Then, all of the sudden, we have a day or two that they get along great! No fighting, no yelling. Just kindness and fun. I wish it could always be like that. Sigh.....

WORK

A mom's work is never done it seems. I am up again, at 4 in the morning, getting ready for work. I will be home by 8 and then my "day job" will start! The kids keep me hopping and running all day. It is exhausting! Would I trade it all? Probably not. I love my kids! Even if they are all boys!!